Friday, August 14, 2009

Husbands, Wives, Moms, Dads, and Sex

God has a divine order for the family. His order is perfect and will bring total fulfillment. The divorce courts are full because this divine order is left out of many marriages. It takes 3 people to make a successful marriage. A husband, a wife, and God. Prayer together is essential for the couple who does not pray in oneness has no protection against problems and the attacks of Satan. If both are in right relationships with God, they are more likely to be in right relations with each other.

Satan’s #1 target is your family. He wants you, your wife and your children.


Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:28

Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. I Peter 3:7

Husbands your prayers aren’t getting any higher than the ceiling if you are not living in harmony with your wife.


For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

(Ephesians 5:23)

The Bible gives us clear instructions as to which the leader of the family is. It is the husband. Many do not understand the full meaning of this verse. It does not mean that he is to dominate or control the wife. His call to leadership is that of self-sacrifice and service. He puts his wife’s needs above his own. He is to love his wife as Christ did the church. Christ loved the church, protected, served and was willing to die for her. "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many" Mark 10:45

As the head, the husband is to love unconditionally. Many of our problems in today’s marriages are due to the lack of leadership in our homes. When we get out of the divine order for marriage, the problems arise. Wives usually have no problem submitting when they are able to respect and trust their husbands.

If the husband is putting his own needs above his wife’s or is controlling, she is not able to function in her own role as wife and mother. Many times this leads to divorce. It is imperative that the two function as a single unit. If you are struggling in marriage in the role He created for you, then you are not loving and obeying God. If you choose to harden your heart, you do so with the risk of destroying the relationship. For the man to not accept his role is as bad as abusing it. If you are putting anything before the needs of your wife than you are committing spiritual adultery. Self-love is IDOLATRY.


Husbands are to provide for their families unless you are so ill or physically handicapped that you can’t work. God expects the husband to work and provide for the needs of his family. God provides, but you have to do your part and He will do His part.

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. I Timothy 5:8

We now have something we call "deadbeat dads". Men are walking out on their families, leaving children that they have helped bring into this world, acting with no responsibility. These children are your children and you are to provide for them. This is God’s command.

We hear many excuses such as; "They don’t live with me anymore and besides, their mother uses all the money for herself." Think about this. Does your support money keep a roof over those children’s heads? Does it provide food, clothing, education and health needs? God commands you to provide those needs regardless of the circumstances.

"I don’t have the money, I have another family now and they need my paycheck, I simply can’t afford it." This does not relieve you of your responsibility. You are to provide for your families whether they live with you are not.


In Exodus God sent his death angel to pass over the city when Pharaoh would not let the Israelite slaves go. He was to take the firstborn son of every Egyptian household. The Israelite father of each family was told to sacrifice a lamb and sprinkle it’s blood over the doorposts otherwise the death angel would visit them. Each father was responsible for the safety of his family.

Each father today is responsible to represent his family to God. He is to lead his family in worship, prayer and Bible study. Pray with and for your family. We get to know one another with a new intimacy when we pray together. It produces a new strength and love for one another.

Throughout the Bible God spoke to the man about his family. John 4:53 So the father knew that it was at that hour in which Jesus said to him, "Your son lives;" and he himself believed, and his whole household. You are responsible for your family’s spiritual leading and protection.

Dad because you are head of household it is your responsibility to teach your children about God. This is not the church responsibility or a teacher but yours. If you are divorced it is still your duty. The very first teachings a child receives about God should come from their own home.

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3

How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. Psalm 127:5

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart. Colossians 3:21

Ephesians 6:4 And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

If you are sitting in front of the TV or allowing your children to, you are not accepting your leadership. How can you expect your family to follow a couch potato? Look at what you are bringing into your home. Violence, murder, foul language, drug usage, and illicit sex. Do you really think this is not affecting you or your family? You’ve heard, you are what you eat. Anything you feed your heart and eyes are what you are holding in your heart. You are directly allowing satan into your home to influence yourself and your children. Psalm 101:3-4 says: I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not fasten its grip on me. A perverse heart shall depart from me; I will know no evil.

Dad, discipline your children, but in love. Always hug your children after you have disciplined them. They need to see Mother and Dad being loving toward one another and united. The way they see you treat your wife will make a lasting impression in their own relationships throughout life.

Most of the boys in prison and young pregnant out of wedlock girls did not have Dad’s leadership in the home. God designed the family structure and gave us a manual to follow and it is called the Holy Bible.

Father love your children, discipline your children and provide for them and teach them about God. Pray with them. Doing all things always in love.

HUSBAND you are going to stand in front of your maker some day and give a full account of how you lead your family.


But realize this that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will become lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, reconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, hater of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. II Timothy 3:1-4 Does that sound like today?


He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children. Praise the Lord! Psalm 113:9 To the woman God said to go forth and be fruitful and multiply. Nothing you can do is more holy than that of being a mother. It is your God given priority and the reason for your existence.

The Bible gives us a description of the godly woman.

Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

Verse 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

Verse 15 She rises also while it is still night, and gives food to her household.

Verse 20 She extends her hand to the poor; and she stretches out her hands to the needy.

Verse 26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Verse 27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Verse 28 Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her.

Verse 30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Ladies the Lord intended the woman to stay at home and take care of the needs of her family. She does not lie on the couch watching soaps all day either. A hot meal for your husband and clean house is part of your duties. Raising your children yourself is the most important thing you will ever do. Let your husband do the providing, Trust in God to supply all your needs if you have a submitted husband.

Proverbs 25:24 It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Mother’s watch how you present yourself to the world as a Christian wife and mother. How you dress, speak and act or react, SAYS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. It says whether you respect yourself or not. It teaches your children values. Although God wants His children to look nice, He expects it to be modestly without drawing attention to yourself. Don’t blow your husband’s paycheck on a lot of trendy fashions. He works hard for your NEEDS. God expects us to use all He gives wisely.

Your language is most important, don’t cuss worse than a sailor. Your children and the world are watching you. Glorify the Lord in all that you do.

Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments; but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness.

I Timothy 2:9-10

And let not your adornment be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. I Peter 3:3-5

When we search the Scriptures we see how women used their sensuous dress and makeup. God made you to look the way you do. It is what He wanted. You are perfect and beautiful in His eyes just as you are. Your beauty comes from within not the exterior. Have you ever seen a beautiful woman that you couldn’t stand because of her actions?

One of the most well known Biblical figures in the Bible who used the art of makeup and sensuous clothing was Jezebel.

2 Kings 9:30 When Jehu came to Jezreel, JEZEBEL heard of it, and she painted her eyes and adorned her head, and looked out the window. Jezebel controlled Israel by manipulation and her sex appeal toward Ahab.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Colossians 3:18

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives. I Peter 3:1

If there is a problem within the marriage face it head on lovingly, don’t run from it but take it to God to resolve it. But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ. Ephesians 4:15

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger; and so not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 26-27

The wife is to submit to her husband. This simply means respect your husband. We are all to submit to Christ’s leadership whenever it is expressed through others. This does not mean that you do not have the right to help make decisions in the household. All decisions should be made in agreement. This is where prayer enters in. If both you and your husband are committed to God and the good of one another your decisions should be mutual. You are under no authority to follow anything that is immoral or against your own values. Submitting to your husband can bring such joy when he is committed to you.

When there is no biblical leadership of the husband and submission by the wife then God’s divine order is violated. This will often lead to divorce.

In Deuteronomy 28:30:You shall betroth a wife, but another man shall lie with her; you shall build a house, but you shall not live in it; you shall plant a vineyard, but you shall use its fruit.

Verse 32 "Your sons and your daughters shall be given to another people, while your eyes shall look on and yearn for them continually; but there shall be nothing you can do." This is the breakdown of the family with no leadership.

For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. Ephesians 5:23 The Lord throughout the Bible spoke to the fathers the head of household for directions for his family. And he shall speak words to you by which you will be saved, you and all your household. Acts 11: 14


Sex for married couples is a beautiful and wonderful thing. but never use it for power or punishment of one another.

But because of immoralities let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. I Corinthians 7:2

Verse 3 Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

Verse 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Verse 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of you lack of self-control.

Father thank you for Your heavenly gift of fulfillment in married love. Thank you for the children you have entrusted to us to teach Your ways. We give You Your rightful place in our homes and we need Your love and forgiveness in our hearts so we may learn to love truly unselfishly. AMEN

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